*Sigh* There are things you know you shouldn't do. Things which are impolite, rash and downright mean. Like dishing out nasty comments bout people you hardly know. But sometimes, no matter how good you try to be, the inner bitch rears its ugly head and chomps away at your sense of decency. And when you realise it, it's already too late.

I never really enjoyed back-stabbing or gossiping. Ok la, sometimes I do indulge myself with the occasional gossiping sessions with my close friends. Usually it isn't meant to be hurtful or untrue. Being brought up in a family with high moral standards, I try my best to refrain from dissing people out of spite or boredom. But yesterday, I did something that thoroughly shamed and humbled me.

We had a mini sparring tournament during Karate class yesterday. I was basically doing some judging and referee work along with the other senior belt students. There was this young girl, a green or white belt I think. She's really enthusiastic, attentive seems to enjoy the classes a lot. She even won gold for sparring in her category. However, I found her a little weird. It wasn't her karate skills (she just started learning, so cut her some slack). It was the way she interacted, the way she talked. I dunno la. Her choice of words, the way she cocks her head and hardly looks you straight in the eye, I really dunno. But she was nice and enthusiatic. She came up to me after the match. I congratulated her, gave her some encouragement. Then as she walked away, I turned to my other friend, J who was sitting next to me and said: "You know, that girl just now is a little weird..."

It didn't occur to me that what I did was wrong until after the tournament. By then it was too late to do anything about it. Right after congratulating the girl, and saying how well she did, way to go, keep up the good work, etc. Right after giving her a good pat on the back, I lean over and spout mean remarks to a fellow student. And what makes it worse is that I hardly even know the girl, and I hardly even know J. Bitching to an acquaintance about another acquaintance. Like one of those bitchy moments from America's Next Top Model. How about that.

I guess I could relate to that junior belt girl's situation. As far as I could remember, there were always people who thought I was weird. Once, during a primary school trip to Taman Negara, I overheard a bunch of my 'friends' backstabbing me, calling me stupid and weird and I forgot what else. My social skills leaves much to be desired. Most of the time I'm an introvert and yes, in a way, I am weird. Maybe I deserved all the backstabbing I got. But that girl certainly didn't. She deserved better treatment from someone who had been in her shoes, once upon a time.

Hopefully J forgets what I said that day. Hopefully I'll learn to keep undue comments to myself.